GEORGE PLIMPTON'S VIDEO FALCONRY STRATEGY GUIDE AND WALKTHROUGH

Welcome! This strategy guide will help you negotiate the more complicated twists and turns of the sprawling, 39-screen masterpiece, George Plimpton's Video Falconry for the ColecoVista video game system.

When you turn on the game, your first action will be to decide upon which raptor will be your partner as you progress through the game. At first, only the Red-tailed Hawk and American Kestrel are available; these are reliable birds who will allow you to experiment with the game mechanics and help you a develop the finesse that is required to hunt birds, rodents and other small mammals on your home television screen.

Birds are given point scores for their Swiftness, Cunning, and Loyalty. The Kestrel (4S/2C/2L) is quick but not too bright, and therefore recommended for experienced video-falconers only. The Red-tail (3S/3C/3L) is a well-rounded bird adaptable to most play styles. As you progress through George Plimpton's Video Falconry you can unlock new birds-of-prey and modify your raptor's stats by administering liver pellets, tonics, and wry witticisms.

Remember that you and your raptor are partners, not friends; hunting birds bring their prey to their masters for no purpose other than to earn a reward. Your bird will be respectful and loyal, but it will never love you. For this reason, it is imperative that you pay regular visits to Doc Humes' Falconry Boutique whenever your inventory of liver pellets is running low. Unless your bird has 9 or more loyalty points, if you run out of liver pellets in the field, your bird will fly away, and it will be Game Over.

Once you've chosen a raptor, you will need to purchase equipment at Doc Humes' Falconry Boutique before you can progress to the training stage, Harvard Yard. I recommend the plain leather hood and the deer suede gloves; the velvet hood and elbow-length glove are, in my opinion, an unnecessary waste of Francs this early in the game. Once you've geared up with liver pellets and tonics, head into the quarry.

STAGE 1 - HARVARD YARD

Your first task is to unhood your bird. This can be challenging at first-- as any falconer knows, a hooded bird is much easier to control than an alert raptor. To unhood your bird, quickly spin the control knob on your ColecoPaddle to its extreme clockwise position, then slowly and delicately rotate it to its extreme anti-clockwise position ("counter-clockwise" on US ColecoVista systems). If your bird begins to flash, you are rotating the control knob too quickly; your bird is agitated and will require a tonic to soothe its nerves.

When your bird is unhooded and awake, feed it a liver pellet immediately. This will briefly increase its loyalty score as you inspect the quarry for prey. Progress two screens downward, then one screen to the left; you will find an American Meadow Vole in front of Johnston Gate.

Depress the action switch on your ColecoPaddle to send your raptor into the air. The control knob sets your flap rate and pitch/yaw. Flying takes some time to get accustomed to, but is a basic skill you will need to master to progress through the game. The instruction booklet included with the George Plimpton's Video Falconry tape cartridge provides a full explanation of flight controls.

Circle around the Meadow Vole; when your raptor is aligned on the axis created between the sun and its prey item, re-engage the action switch to pitch into a nose-dive. You don't have to be an ornithologist to know that falcons always dive with the sun at their back to interfere with their prey items' depth perception, a behavior which has been masterfully reproduced via the ColecoVista's rich 16-color graphical display (if you are using a color television set).

The Meadow Vole is a level-1 prey item, so a simple Talon-grasp will dispatch it without difficulty. Tug your raptor's lead to return it to your glove-hand; your bird will level up, and you'll receive a 30 Franc bonus. More importantly, you will unlock the beak-grasp special move, which can be used to catch garter snakes.

Continue to hunt rodents and sparrows until you reach level 7, placing stat-points primarily into loyalty and swiftness.

The Harvard level contains many hidden bonuses that increase your bird's repertoire of skills:

-Visit the Lampoon Castle to gain a bonus cunning point by choosing the driest response to the Jester's three questions.
-Search the dumpster behind the Hasty Pudding Clubhouse to find a bonus sack of liver pellets.
-A special Golden Chipmunk can be found at the Harvard Bixi. Catching it will give you a 1,000 Franc bonus, but it is impossible unless your raptor has achieved a swiftness ranking of 6 or more.

Once you can comfortably snare a pigeon in-flight, see the Master Falconer in the Old Barn. He will accept your permit application and grant you the title of Apprentice Falconer.

Visit Jack Kerouac to open the travel screen and progress to Stage 2.

STAGE 2 - ITALY

Upon arriving in Italy, be sure to visit Doc Humes' Falconry Boutique, as new items have become available for purchase. The Fringed Glove gives a +20% bonus to your bird's Preen ability, which can be useful before entering into combat with a muskrat or skunk. The Chinotto tonic, which is only available in Stage 2, enhances focus and can be useful if your bird gets drowsy after a prolonged Italian lunch.

If liver pellets are no longer increasing your raptor's loyalty, consider purchasing the country paté upgrade. Paté slices refill 5 more loyalty points than ordinary liver pellets, but cost 15 francs apiece.

You will not be able to progress past the train station until you have chased off the striking railway workers. Use a talon slash to shred their placards then dive-bomb the wine merchant's pushcart. The cart will overturn and the strikers will disperse.

Follow Luigi back to his mistress's apartment. She will tell you that mice have gotten into the semolina storehouse, and the town will soon have no ingredients to make pasta! Swoop-glide to grab the mice one-by-one; if your bird gets fatigued, allow it to perch on the weathervane or purchase a doppio espresso to revive its energy. Maria will reward you with the Lover's Bell, which allows you to track your bird, even if it leaves the screen.

Bring a dead cardinal to the town chapel and the priest will come down from the campanile (you can find cardinals in the tomato patch). He'll tell you that he has been hiding because the town has no fish to prepare a traditional Christmas Eve dinner; if you bring him seven fishes, you will be handsomely rewarded. If you've been saving your francs, you can buy the ferryman a new net, and he will give you four fishes as a reward. However, most video-falconers will opt to catch the fish themselves using the Pacific Osprey or Steller's Sea Eagle, if it has been unlocked.

When you return with the fishes, Peter Matthiessen and a CIA operative will be waiting for you in front of the Church. They have a train ticket and a plan to bring enlightened fiction and poetry to the post-war generation.

Congratulations, you've just founded The Paris Review!

STAGE 3 - FIFTH AVENUE

By now you should be used to visiting Doc Humes' Falconry Boutique at the beginning of each stage. I highly recommend purchasing a full-cuff gauntlet and radio-transmitter, if you haven't already. Obviously, this is also a good time to restock on Jess Grease and Neatsfoot Oil to keep your leathergoods working at optimum efficiency.

New York abounds with rats and pigeons, so your food needs should be well covered. However, as any city-dwelling raptor-hunter knows, the urban environment can present unique challenges to falconry that George Plimpton must navigate if the magazine is to meet its quarterly publication deadline. Purchasing a travel perch will allow you to ride in taxicabs, which can significantly cut down on time spent in transit.

The Fifth Avenue stage consists of missions from George Plimpton's noted colleagues, which may be completed in any order, so long as publication of the autumn '66 issue of The Paris Review is not impeded. However, it is most efficient to undertake these missions moving from South to North along Madison Avenue.

Downtown: In Washington Square Park, Allen Ginsberg's frantic bongo drumming is causing a disturbance at the West Village Falconry Society's biweekly meeting! Ginsberg refuses to reason with the Falconry Society's Ombudsperson, so George Plimpton must intervene.

Ginsberg will announce his intention to "freak out the straights" and begin shouting his beatnik manifesto, which will disorient your bird, making it impossible to clear the park of pigeons and other vermin. Administer a tonic to your frazzled raptor-- a mere witticism will not ease the stress caused by Ginsberg's counter-cultural tirade.

Offer Ginsberg a forum in The Paris Review to release his manifesto to a more receptive audience. The grateful parks superintendent will reward you with the Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser power up, which will allow George Plimpton to move from screen to screen without incurring a 5 Franc penalty for cab fare (you can sell your unused subway tokens at Doc Humes' Falconry Boutique).

Midtown: Meet Truman Capote at the Plaza Hotel for the Black and White Ball. Your task is to unmask partygoers so that you can find your friend and Harvard classmate, Robert Francis Kennedy. Before talon-grasping masks off minglers at the premier social event of the Johnson administration, it is imperative that you file your bird's talons-- too many video-falconers have suffered an instant Game Over by inadvertently slashing the face of Frank Sinatra or Mia Farrow. The porter in the lobby has a talon file if you neglected to purchase one at Doc Humes' Falconry Boutique.

Once you've found RFK, remind him of your days as third-string Quarterback for the Detroit Lions, and that you'd make a good bodyguard, should the need arise. Exchange a witticism at the expense of Gore Vidal, and your mission is complete. As a reward, he will give you a Hyannisport Tonic, which grants a +5 boost to the bird of your choice's cunning score.

Uptown: When you arrive at the Guggenheim Museum in your Oldsmobile Vista Cruiser, it is immediately clear that there is a problem. Inside, Andy Warhol has fallen into a post-existential manic state and is commanding his White-Headed Fishhawk to slash American masterpieces from the permanent collection! While the editorial vision of the Paris Review includes symbolic departures from the conventions of pre-war 20th century authors, Warhol is violating the first principle of your colleague John Updike's Rules for Criticism: do not blame the author for not achieving that which he did not attempt!

You must first disable the Fishhawk by coaxing it to attack the original 1937 model of Calder's Devil Fish stabile. Stand next to the model and wait for the Fishhawk to dive-bomb; it will collide with the sculpture's sheet metal frame and be momentarily dazed. Engage your falcon in talon-combat with its foe. If you go blow-for-blow with the Fishhawk, you should be able to render it defenseless after a well-timed beak slash. Warhol, left birdless, will be forced to admit defeat and cede the zeitgeist to literary endeavors, leaving his visual-art protégés in a state of post-modern limbo.

Having completed the three side-missions in the Fifth Avenue stage, travel back to the downtown screen, where Jack Kerouac and Bob Dylan are waiting for you at the Bitter End. You have unlocked the fourth and final stage in George Plimpton's Video Falconry: your Sports Illustrated coverage of the iconic fight between Muhammad Ali and George Foreman.

STAGE 4 - RUMBLE IN THE JUNGLE

As you step off the plane in Zaire, you will be immediately confronted by a deranged Hunter S. Thompson, who is already several hours into a liquor and pill binge, and has lost control of a PCP-laced Eastern Screech Owl. Your task is to survive until Thompson passes out in his hotel's pool and is unable to cover the fight for Rolling Stone, as per his assignment. There will be no time to visit Doc Humes' Falconry Boutique to prepare for the battle with Thompson, so do not progress to the Idlewild screen without an adequate supply of power tonics and vitamin tablets.

After you defeat Thompson's bird, Don King will arrive at your hotel suite to offer you front-row tickets to the fight of the century; but there's a catch: you must sit next to your nemesis: Norman Mailer! Accept the tickets and prepare for the most challenging battle of wits that George Plimpton has ever, and will ever, endure.

In the first round, the African porter will ask for your drink order. It is your task to ensure that your drink order is as distinctive and unique as your pioneering style of prose would imply. Order a dry gin martini, stirred, with two olives and one onion. Norman Mailer will raise an eyebrow; immediately input the knowingly-apt-witticism sequence on your ColecoPaddle. You and your bird will receive a +2 cunning rating, a +200 Franc bonus, and you will decrease Norman Mailer's swiftness by four points. The game is on.

By depressing the action switch, you can control George Plimpton's celebratory arm-raises and toasts, which must be deployed ONLY at key strategic moments. If you toast or celebrate at an inopportune moment, Norman Mailer will question your objectivity, and it will be Game Over.

In the first round, remind Mailer that Heavyweight Champ George Foreman has not gone more than two rounds in any fight since 1970. Mailer will nod approvingly, and you will earn an additional cunning point for your bird. At the end of Round 1's inconclusive results, see to it that Mailer orders a Bourbon Manhattan; the inexperienced Zairian porter will be confused by the drink order and bring Mailer a Vodka Martini made with sweet Vermouth. The disgusting concoction will render Mailer incommunicado for the remainder of Round 2.

Continue your coverage of the fight as controversy emerges over the relative tightness of the ropes and as Foreman's right eye swells closed. As Ali takes well-aimed shots at Foreman in the later rounds (naturally, you can't control the boxers; Plimpton is a journalist, not a fighter), Mailer will begin to fret his Foreman-heavy pre-coverage of the fight in Esquire. Do not allow his self-effacing witticisms to deter your enthusiasm for Ali; he will be the ultimate winner of the fight and Heavyweight Champion of the World. When Foreman is finally defeated, depress the action switch on your ColecoPaddle to genteelly raise your arms in triumph.

After the fight, file your typewritten manuscript via Zairian post; Sports Illustrated will offer you a multi-year contract, and your place in the New Journalism and history of Modern Falconry will be secured. Henceforth, George Plimpton will be a figure recognized throughout English Prose not only as a pioneer of semi-autobiographical creative non-fiction and sports journalism, but also for his own style of semi-ironic raptor development; a feat which has yet to be reimagined on the rooftops of Brooklyn.

BONUS STAGE - KYRGYZSTAN

After you've outwitted Norman Mailer to complete the Rumble in the Jungle stage, the end credits will roll. Congratulations! You have successfully navigated George Plimpton through his progression from Apprentice Falconer to Master Raptor-Hunter. Lyons Press will soon be contacting you to craft a work about your experience in the New Journalism style. However, to truly appreciate the bond between man and bird-of-prey, George Plimpton must travel to Central Asia to meet the nomadic Golden Eagle hunters of the Eurasian Steppe.

On your ColecoPaddle input the following sequence: up, up, down, down, claw, flap, flap, flap, beak grab, claw grab, flap, flap, pitch, yaw, beak grab, double flap. The screen will flash and you will find yourself transported into the yurt of Mongolian author and paleontology expert Rinchen Barsbold. Barsbold's status as the world's foremost expert on the evolutionary history of saurischian dinosaurs and their descendants makes him a valuable ally for George Plimpton and his feathered compatriot.

Barsbold will demonstrate the principles of berkutchy, passed down through the ages by the Kyrgyz people of the Bugu clan. These principles will allow you to control the Kazakh Golden Eagle, the swiftest and most loyal raptor in the game. Note, however, that the Golden Eagle will not remain loyal in exchange for standard liver pellets; you must be willing to undertake the sizable expense of feeding it whole goose livers at a whopping 90 Francs apiece.

The Golden Eagle can be used to hunt steppe foxes, which are valuable for their silvery pelts. However, the most valuable target on the Central-Asian Plain has always been a juvenile Snow Leopard. Catching one is a challenge that has reduced even expert raptor hunters to frustrated swearing at their ColecoPaddles.

To catch the Snow Leopard, drop a yearling lamb carcass outside the mother Snow Leopard's den. When she exits the cave to scavenge for food, dive-bomb the cave with your slash-meter powered to full. Talon swipe and claw at the cubs until one of them flashes red, then IMMEDIATELY perform a beak grasp. If you do not, the mother leopard will return to the den to protect her cubs. You will be overwhelmed, and it will be Game Over.

A fantastic reward awaits George Plimpton if he can return to Rinchen Barsbold with a Snow Leopard Cub. Barsbold will yield control of his top-secret discovery: the Feathered Velociraptor. This marvel of a hunting machine is the most cunning raptor in the game, however, as a theropod proto-flyer, its swiftness leaves much to be desired. This deficiency can easily be offset via Amphetamine Tonics, available at Doc Humes' Falconry Boutique.

After you complete the bonus stage the game will reset, but Plimpton will retain his status as a Master Falconer, inventory of equipment, power ups, and—naturally—the lifelong bonds of trust and loyalty that a falconer feels for his birds. You may now play through the Harvard Yard, Italy, Fifth Avenue, and Rumble in the Jungle stages with the most advanced falconry equipment available in the game.

Congratulations, and happy playing!

CONCLUSION and ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Hopefully this guide has proved helpful to the novice or casual player of George Plimpton’s Video Falconry. Thanks to the landmark ruling by Judge John Hodgman, a casual player may use this guide to traverse the more difficult areas of the game or to find the game’s many hidden items and power ups without being labeled a “cheater”. It is my sincere hope that the release of this guide inspires the game’s original publisher to release a web-playable port, but perhaps this is a pipe dream.

I must extend hearty thanks to John Hodgman, Jesse Thorn, Morgan Webb, and the original litigants from episode 22 of Judge John Hodgman, John and Josef, whose creative spark was essential to bringing this work into existence.