Every Sunday, Gill delves into his archive of over 800 movie reviews and randomly selects three for your enjoyment! Here are this week’s…
Simply incredible, I loved every minute of it! Director Noboru Iguchi never fails to impress, and just when you think you’ve seen it all, he throws something even more bizarre and over-the-top your way! This movie gives you everything you could possibly want – from transforming castle robots to fried shrimp thrust into eye sockets to blades emerging from every body part you can imagine – and there’s hardly a moment left for you to catch your breath from laughing! The four stars I’m giving this movie are entirely for the amount of fun I (and the audience I saw it with) had in watching it. The script is laughable, the effects are ridiculous, the premise alone is pure camp, but goddamn is it ever a fun time.
4 out of 5
Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief
From a technical standpoint, this movie is just fine. The production design obviously had a hefty budget behind it, and the special effects are pretty good. It also has a great supporting cast, including Uma Thurman, Sean Bean, Steve Coogan, Pierce Brosnan, Catherine Keener and Rosario Dawson…all of whom are wasted. The three young leads, especially Logan Lerman, can’t act their way out of a t-shirt, and the script is mired in bad dialogue and great big gaping plot holes. Why are the Greek gods hanging out in the United States? How come Percy Jackson hadn’t discovered any of his powers (besides being able to hold his breath underwater for a long time) until he finds out he’s a demi-god? How can Pierce Brosnan’s character hide his entire centaur body in an electric wheelchair? And *SPOILER ALERT* how come the traitorous son of Hermes HELPS Percy and company find a way to escape Hades when he wants them to fail in their mission in the first place? That’s just the tip of the iceberg with this film. If you’re looking for a bunch of flashy special effects, some dumbed-down references to Greek mythology, and a ridiculously long title, then Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief will satisfy your needs. But if little things like, I don’t know, PLOT are necessary for you to enjoy a movie, then avoid this one at all costs.
2 out of 5
Birdemic: Shock and Terror
This is, without a doubt, one of the worst made movies I have ever seen, and let me tell ya: I’ve seen my share! The Room and Troll 2 have nothing on Birdemic: Shock and Terror when it comes to poor production values. Everything from the acting to the dialogue, the lighting to the sound, is completely terrible in Birdemic, to the point where you miss half of what is being said because the words are being drowned out by ambient sounds of loud traffic or crashing waves at the beach! Even the most basic of filmmaking rules are forgotten in this movie, and by the end I was convinced that this was a first feature – but apparently it isn’t, which makes it all the more atrocious, as “director” James Nguyen clearly has no idea what the heck he’s doing. And then there’s the special effects. Well…the less said about the special effects, the better. I could never truly recommend this movie to anyone, but if you like other examples of bad moviemaking such as the aforementioned The Room and Troll 2, then you should at least watch this one just to add it to your list. Everyone else, stay far, far away.
.5 out of 5
See you next Sunday for three more thrilling short reviews!