Defendor vs. Kick-Ass

Warning: This article may contain traces of spoilers, and may have come into contact with spoilers from other movies.

Defendor vs. Kick-Ass

Kick-Ass. Defendor. Both movies released in 2010. Both focus on everyday, average citizens who decide to become superheroes. Both superheroes use normal weaponry, as opposed to advanced technology (Batman) or actual superpowers (Superman), to fight crime. Both movies are quite enjoyable. But who is the better hero: Kick-Ass or Defendor? The similarities are many, but where Kick-Ass falters, Defendor succeeds, and vice versa. So I thought it would be fun to pit these two wanna-be superheroes against eachother in a battle to the death. I’ll be breaking down their origins, their arsenal, their allies and their enemies to determine which hero I’d rather have defending the streets of my city from the scum of the earth. Who will win? Whose side will you be on? Hit the jump to begin the battle! This could get bloody.

SECRET IDENTITY
Kick-Ass:
dave
Real name: Dave Lizewski
Occupation: High school student
Special talents: Not much. As Dave says, like many other kids his age, he merely exists.

Defendor:
arthur
Real name: Arthur Poppington
Occupation: Road crew
Special talents: Arthur seems to have some talent with machinery, and a knack for being able to capture wasps in a jar without getting stung too badly. His mental illness has also provided him with extreme determination.

WINNER
Defendor. Although I found the character of Dave Lizewski much more compelling than that of Arthur Poppington, Arthur, being an adult, has much better cover than Dave. Dave still lives at home, whereas Arthur has made a makeshift home for himself in a construction depot and is therefore free to operate as Defendor without supervision.

ORIGINS
Kick-Ass:
boredrom
Boredom. Dave Lizewski becomes a superhero primarily because nobody else has really tried it. He himself admits that he donned the superhero garb in order to live out a fantasy. As Dave says,”The comic-books had it wrong. It didn’t take a trauma, or cosmic rays or a power ring to make a superhero. Just the perfect combination of optimism and naivete.”

Defendor:
mental
Mental illness. Being born to a prostitute mother who was almost certainly on drugs at the time of her pregnancy, Arthur Poppington was born “a bit slow”, as they say in the film. It is never really stated at what point Arthur became the superhero Defendor, we are given insight as to his motivations. As a child, Arthur’s grandfather stated that the “Captains of Industry” killed his mother. Arthur misinterpretted this as meaning that a single man – Captain Industry – is responsible for his mother’s death.

WINNER
Kick-Ass. Sorry, Defendor, but your backstory is just too convoluted to be interesting. Plus, the death of a superhero’s parent or parents has been used far too often, and has become quite the cliche in the genre. Someone becoming a superhero as the result of boredom and adolescent fantasy, however, is pretty new territory.

COSTUME
Kick-Ass:
costume
A green diving suit with yellow trim, complete with mask, ordered online.

Defendor:
black
Black pants, black sweater with duct tape “D” on the front, black motorcycle helmet with fiber optic camera and flashlight attached, strip of black face paint across his eyes.

WINNER
Kick-Ass. I love the green and yellow costume. While Defendor’s outfit is a bit more utilitarian, Kick-Ass’s costume definitely makes him look like more of a superhero. Also, his mask does a much better job of concealing his secret identity than Defendor’s strip of black facepaint.

WEAPONS
Kick-Ass:
Clubs
Matching clubs/truncheons, gay-looking taser.

Defendor:
trench
Knobby trench club (coated in the blood of 1000 Germans), marbles, slingshot, angry wasps, lime juice.

WINNER
Defendor. Defendor’s arsenal can do some serious damage, especially if you get clubbed on the head, or happen to be allergic to wasps. While both Kick-Ass and Defendor use club-like weapons to exact justice, Defendor’s trench club can kill a man in a single, well-placed blow. Yeah, I know that Kick-Ass’s mini-gun jetpack is pretty badass, but technically it belongs to Big Daddy and Hit-Girl, and I doubt he got to keep it after he had used it that one time.

ALLIES
Kick-Ass:
bdhg
Damon and Mindy Macready (Big Daddy and Hit-Girl, respectively), his friends Todd and Marty.

Defendor:
kat
Kat Debrofkowitz (a crack-smoking prostitute), Paul Carter (his boss), Dr. Ellen Park (his court-appointed therapist).

WINNER
Kick-Ass. Big Daddy and Hit-Girl are extremely competent, badass superheroes. A crack-smoking prostitute, a construction boss, and a therapist have nothing on them. Also, Kick-Ass actually has close chums, whereas Defendor’s only real friends are Kat the prostitute, whom he has to pay to hang out with him, and his boss.

ENEMIES
Kick-Ass:
frankchris
Frank D’Amico, Chris D’Amico (a.k.a. Red Mist)

Defendor:
dooney
Dooney the corrupt police officer, “Captain Industry”

WINNER

Kick-Ass. Defendor operates on a very small-scale, dishing out small-time justice in his search for Captain Industry, rather than employing actual detective work to track down his nemesis. We never gain much insight into how long he has been fighting crime, or how effective his efforts have been. Because of his naivete and the fact that Captain Industry only exists in Defendor’s head, it is also easy to convince him to go after the wrong person. Kick-Ass, on the other hand, makes an enemy of crime lord Frank D’Amico, and actually manages to destroy a significant chunk of D’Amico’s crime syndicate. Although he is betrayed by Red Mist, it isn’t entirely because of Kick-Ass’s naivete, and more the result of Red Mist’s clever guise as an ally.

WINNER
Kick-ass
Kick-Ass. Not only is Kick-Ass a better superhero who takes out an actual big-time bad guy, but Kick-Ass is just a superior movie to Defendor. Woody Harrelson gives a good performance as Arthur Poppington, but because of his mental illness, I wasn’t able to relate to him the way I related to Dave Lizewski. Kick-Ass is a superhero for our generation, an icon for slackers and geeks everywhere. Defendor is a model of mental illness, and can actually be kinda scary if you think about him. Were someone to tip Defendor off that you were up to something illegal, you probably wouldn’t be able to reason with him before he gave you a severe ass-whooping. If I had to choose between Defendor and Kick-Ass to defend my city from evil, I’d take Kick-Ass, all the way.

Special talents: Arthur seems to have some talent with machinery, and a knack for being able to capture wasps in a jar without getting stung too badly. His mental illness has also provided him with extreme determination.

WINNER
Defendor. Although I found the character of Dave Lizewski much more compelling than that of Arthur Poppington, Arthur, being an adult, has much better cover than Dave. Dave still lives at home, whereas Arthur has made a makeshift home for himself in a construction depot and is therefore free to operate as Defendor without supervision.

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