Aperture Science founder Cave Johnson is back with another investment opportunity: boots! And hey, Chell is back too, and she’s lookin’ good! Also, those portal gun schematics are pretty revealing – for all those of you who wish you owned a portal gun, take note:
The sudden absence of a steady whamming sound may indicate a Miniature Black Hole Cooling Fan Battery failure. Quickly disassemble the Ring Singularity Harness, pry apart the upper and lower Ring Singularity Rings indigently remove the Event Horizon Estimation Wheel. Then, while running directly away from the device, use the Wheel to precisely determine an estimated minimum safe stopping distance.