The Evil Dead Remake Looks Generic, Fails To Justify Its Own Existence

If you have ever met me, if you’ve ever seen a photo of my desk, or if you follow TBR at all, then you know that I am a huge fan of Evil Dead. The Evil Dead films are works of wacky, insane genius, and a lot of that has to do with Bruce Campbell. For all that I’m a fan of Evil Dead, I’m an even bigger fan of Bruce, and I have no fewer than four Bruce Campbell action figures in front of me right now (three Ashes and an Elvis). Bruce is king. So, with that in mind, I was, of course, disappointed that an Evil Dead remake was being made without Bruce in it. He doesn’t even seem to have a cameo, from what I’ve heard, and that, my friends, is criminal. Sam Raimi and Bruce are producing this movie, but neither of them are involved in the writing or direction of it. So what’s the point? What could this remake possibly add to the already pristine track record of the Evil Dead films? We have our answer, thanks to this first trailer: NOTHING. I mean, I guess I’ll give credit where credit is due: they’re not using any CGI effects, which is refreshing in this day and age. But guess what, guys? There’s already an Evil Dead movie with no CGI. It’s called Evil Dead! And it’s already been made! It stars Bruce Campbell! I have three editions of it on my movie shelf!

Putting aside my fanboy rage at this remake of one of my favourite movies, I think I can say this with some objectivity: the Evil Dead remake looks exactly like the movie that The Cabin in the Woods was parodying. More so than the original Evil Dead, since this version is obviously more polished and processed, has a bigger budget, and takes itself far too seriously. The Evil Dead films aren’t famous for their horror, they’re famous for their messy look and their humour! Somehow, I don’t think we’re going to see the scene where Ash (now a female character, which is interesting, I guess) smashes a series of plates over his/her head like a Three Stooges routine. And yes, I know that scene was in Evil Dead II, but we can clearly see here that they’ve included the possessed hand in the remake. And yes, I know that a Three Stooges routine would be out of place in a horror movie, but that’s the point! Raimi and Campbell were big Stooges fans, and the fact that they mixed a lot of comedy in with the gore and scares is what makes the original Evil Dead unique!

I’m still going to watch this. Probably not in theatres. And only because Bruce Campbell is actively endorsing it. But man…is nothing sacred?

Evil Dead comes out April 12, 2012.

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