Channing Tatum is a Space Elf

Jupiter Jones was born under a night sky, with signs predicting that she was destined for great things.  Now grown, Jupiter dreams of the stars but wakes up to the cold reality of a job cleaning other people’s houses and an endless run of bad breaks.  Only when Caine, a genetically engineered ex-military hunter, arrives on Earth to track her down does Jupiter begin to glimpse the fate that has been waiting for her all along–her genetic signature marks her as next in line for an extraordinary inheritance that could alter the balance of the cosmos. 

Look, I love the work of the Wachowski siblings. Yes, even Cloud Atlas, for all its yellowfaced problems, was a really good film in my opinion, because the Wachowskis are bringing us the kind of movies that you just don’t see all that often: big-budget, action-packed, anime-inspired space operas. The one catch, however, is that big-budget, anime-inspired space operas tend to get a little silly with their self-seriousness, and that brings me to Jupiter Ascending. Here’s a movie that could be pretty awesome, but the first hurdle that it asks the audience to clear in terms of suspension of disbelief is that Channing Tatum is a kung fu fighting space elf. Oooo, that sets the bar high. I have yet to decide if I’m eagerly anticipating Jupiter Ascending at this point, but I’m definitely curious. In all seriousness, this could be amazing…or a complete trainwreck. Oh yeah, and does anyone want to take bets on whether or not Sean Bean dies in this?

Jupiter Ascending comes out July 25, 2014.

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